Children of the Corn (2009) Review

It takes a lot of people to make a movie this bad.

Children of the Corn (2009): 1 out of 10: Good lord did they screw this movie up. First, the writer (George Goldsmith) who adapted the original Children of the Corn is some sort of savant. All the good scenes in the original movie (The killing of the adults, Isaac and Malachi going at it in the climax, were his invention.) This movie cut all that good stuff out and replaced it with the Viet Cong and public child sex.

The blame rests squarely on Mr. Stephen King’s shoulders. He did not like the changes the 1984 and wanted to stick to his original story. Therefore, the movie takes place in the mid-seventies and the main couple is a divorcing, squabbling mess. Also, the main character hallucinates Viet Cong shooting in the corn which looks ten times worse than it sounds. Oh, they have a sex scene in a church “The time for fertilization has come!” where two teens have sex while nine-year-olds look on masturbating corncobs…. good lord I didn’t need to see that.

The casting is horrible. If I never see Kandyse McClure again (in the Linda Hamilton role) it will be too soon. She ruins the first half of an already horrible film. Daniel Newman as Malachi and Preston Bailey as Isaac ruin the second half. Daniel looks like he is reading off cue cards while Preston is about as threatening as a kitten.

Oh, and the monster never shows up at the end.

It isn’t like the original Children of the Corn was Casablanca or something but good lord this is an embarrassment for all involved.

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