Dark Future (1994) Review

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?

Dark Future (1994): 2 out of 10: Greydon Clark who has brought us such cinematic masterpieces as Satan’s Cheerleaders, Satan’s Sadists, and that Lambada themed film that took the country by storm for a week and a half The Forbidden Dance. Greydon takes everything he knows about filmmaking and the result is Dark Future. Fans of MST3K and RiffTrax will be familiar with the Greydon Clark oeuvre.

The Good

The Good: There are some nice escalators featured. I liked some of the mullets. Um… There is cleavage? I have seen worse movies?

The Bad

Okay, here is my idea for our next movie. It is a dystopian future filled with flaming trash barrels and those weird plasma globes from Spencer’s Gifts.

Dystopian Future on a budget… got it.

So the plot is Westworld but the roles are reversed.

Oh, you mean like Futureworld where Yul Brynner goes from killer unstoppable robot to soft core bondage fantasy for Blythe Danner

No No No the roles are reversed completely.

I am not sure I understand.

Well, in Westworld, the humans kept robots in themed parks where they could exploit them to fulfill their deepest sexual fantasies, right?


So in Dark Future the humans are enslaved in the theme parks and the robots visit to fulfill their deepest sexual fantasies.

Wait, that makes no sense.

It does you see it will be the humans rebelling against their robot masters that are exploiting them for pleasure.

But why would robots have sexual fantasies to begin with? They are robots.

Because we have reversed the roles.


The Ugly

The Ugly: The movie contains a baby. A real baby. A surprisingly real and very naked baby who is put on a table while a group of elderly men attempt to eat her. I can’t help but feel bad for the baby who clearly does not know she is in a movie.

In Conclusion

In Conclusion: There is no way to make the premise of Dark Future into a good movie. The film falls right out of the gate. But there is a way to at least make Dark Future an entertaining movie. It already resembles a soft core porn film, so why not lean into that and make Dark Future an exploitative fun ride?

Well, for reasons only known to Greydon Clark (a man who made Joysticks for god’s sake) we have a decisively non-exploitative movie. As Red Green used to say, if you can’t be handsome, at least be handy.

Rifftrax Version

RiffTrax Dark Future: 7 out of 10: There is nothing wrong with a middle of the road competent RiffTrax movie. Dark Future is certainly that. The film provides plenty of fodder for the boys and while they seem overly fascinated with the sheer number of flaming barrels featured in the film, the riffing is on point.

Needless to say, this is the only way one should experience the Dark Future.

I am almost positive I saw this same film in sixth grade science class.
That is one really naked baby.
Part 16 of our study of when white people breakdancing does wrong.
When you realise that Gandalf the Grey is actually a local homeless guy.
Well, we have had worse presidents.
Finally, a color remake of M (1931 film) directed by Fritz Lang and starring Peter Lorre?
Those with a fetish for trash barrel fires are in for a real good time with Dark Future.
The Soviet Bloc escalators are on point
Even with the in universe explanation, this is one weird scene.
Here we have Ancien Regime themed sex room.
And here is a vaguely Persian sex room.
And our Chicago Speakeasy themed sex room, where our heroes reside.
My god… What a glorious mullet.
Raped by a robot? I smell a Guardian think piece forthcoming.
Robot programming does not include a special look in the mirror and think about whether you should leave the house dressed like that subroutine.
It is unfair to say Darby Hinton looks like a porn actor in this. But Darby Hinton looks like a porn actor in this.
One question I asked throughout Dark Future is why would kicking a robot and either the throat or the balls have any effect whatsoever.
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