New and Improved Dimension Tide. The Power of a Black Hole for your Laundry
Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (Gojira tai Megagirasu: Jî shômetsu sakusen) (2000): 4 out of 10: I know it is a popular pastime to bash “the American Godzilla” but in its defense I would like to give you exhibit A: Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (easier to type than pronounce.) Where do I begin?
Well, let’s start with the latest scheme by the Japanese to rid them of Godzilla once and for all. Shoot him with a black hole from outer space. Yup, that is practically mishap proof. Now I know that dumping OxiClean into Tokyo harbor killed the first Godzilla, and since then some fairly dubious scientific methods have been used to battle our green friend but a satellite that shoots black holes has to win some sort of award. I love the scene when the scientist asks the military man, “After we destroy Godzilla, we destroy the satellite, right?” (You can practically see visions of Pearl Harbor 2 in the general’s head).
To make matters even worse, they already have a team battling Godzilla embarrassingly called G-Grasper (not to be confused with our satellite scheme “Project Dimension Tide” that sounds like a terrible futuristic laundry detergent.) The G-Graspers are led by the all too cute Misato Tanaka, who looks like Amelie joined the French Foreign Legion. G-Graspers fight Godzilla by shooting rocket-propelled grenades at his ankles while dressed as FedEx deliverymen. Surprisingly, this isn’t effective.
Now I can take miscast actors and silly story lines in a Godzilla film, but at least the special effects are good right? Nope. Megaguirus is clearly on strings in one scene. The fights have groan inducing wrestling moves. Building destruction is surprisingly light. There is way too much bad CGI. In addition, there are a lot of underwater scenes, which lets face it has never been a Godzilla strong suit.
This is not excusable for a new millennium Godzilla. On the plus side, there is some nice Mimic action with bugs killing young lovers. But when you feel like apologizing to Matthew Broderick, it’s a sign of a bad Godzilla movie.