Heart Shaped Horror
My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009): 9 out of 10: Are you tired of mediocre horror remakes? Well, look no further, because My Bloody Valentine (2009) is here to save the day! This film is a masterclass in how to revamp a flick, taking a mediocre Canadian slasher from the early ‘80s and pumping it full of steroids, adrenaline, and a healthy dose of 3D magic.
The Good: My Bloody Valentine 2.0 doesn’t tiptoe around the timid ratings board of yesteryear. Oh no, it embraces the blood, guts, and glory, leaving you with a crimson-soaked spectacle for the ages. Think of the Piranha 3D remakes, but with a much better script.
As if the gallons of gore weren’t enough, My Bloody Valentine 3D actually has a superb plot twist that lasts throughout the entire film. It earns its ending and probably has one of the better endings of any slasher film this side of Friday the 13th or Sleepaway Camp. The script and story overall are very solid for the genre.
And if you’re a fan of titillating scenes, this movie has you covered (or uncovered, as it were). With an abundance of eye-catching nudity and terrifyingly well-executed violence, My Bloody Valentine (2009) tickles all the right nerves. Kudos to the cast for their spot-on acting, and the setting for providing that perfect backdrop for a killer night in.
The Bad: Now, let’s address the 3D elephant in the room. Sure, the over-the-top effects may seem a tad cheesy when watched in 2D, and you may have to jump through a few hoops to enjoy the film in its intended 3D glory, but hey, what’s a horror film without a little silliness? And yes, it is silly when our killer holds his pickaxe to the screen, waiting for the 3D effect to kick in.
For some reason, it does not bother me. I am blind in one eye, so proper 3d never really works for me, anyway. I actually have a 3d TV (It was all you could buy for a few years there) and some glasses but unless I buy the special Blu-ray and decide everyone is going to watch the movie in my spare bedroom/ gaming room/ home office that will not happen. Like Friday the 13th 3d and Parasite, the cheesy attempts at 3d add a nice light touch to the proceedings without the 3d.
The Ugly: Like the Friday the 13th Remake My Bloody Valentine 3D gets no respect. Remakes, particularly of horror films, so often go off the rails when one does a solid job it should really be recognized.
In conclusion, if you’re a fan of horror, action, or good old-fashioned B movies, My Bloody Valentine (2009) is the perfect bloody sundae to satisfy your cravings. It’s a no-holds-barred, pedal-to-the-metal, unapologetic homage to the slasher genre. So, buckle up, grab your 3D glasses (if you can find them), and get ready for the ride of your life! Highly recommended, with a side of irony, for a killer movie night.