Ouija Shark (2020) Review

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Cut bait.

Ouija Shark (2020): 1 out of 10: is a bewildering misfire in the realm of shark-themed horror films. Boasting a baffling premise and subpar execution, it’s a movie so bad it makes you reevaluate your disdain for other low-quality shark films.

The story revolves around a group of twenty-something girls who somehow summon a ghost shark with an Ouija board, despite being nowhere near the ocean. The film’s setting, a middle-class house next to a national park, adds to the confusion.

The Good

The Good: The few positives in this otherwise disastrous film include Amy Osbourne’s brief appearance in a white bra washing a car, the helpful end credits that display the actors and the parts they played, and a catchy theme song. Additionally, the Ouija Shark The Fantasy Playlist on Spotify offers a surprisingly enjoyable listening experience.

The Bad

The Bad: As a fan of Brad Jones’ reviews (The Cinema Snob on Stoned Gremlin Productions) I can often feel his pain. Giving slight praise this holiday season to 2022’s The Nutcracker Massacre, claiming at least it is better than 2022’s The Killing Tree, 2022’s Curse of Jack Frost and 2022’s Return of Krampus all crowding the VOD space and Tubi listings this Holiday season. The Nutcracker Massacre is bad, he explains, but it is not The Killing Tree bad.

I often find myself in the position to reexamine my hatred for, say, 2015’s Shark Exorcist because that movie at least tried to do something new and was within view of a body of water. Ouija Shark is so bad it makes me think better of other terrible films.

It is in some details where I sense the film is doing some sort of sixties style abstract minimalism. The movie could not afford fake business cards, so one character hands another a black piece of paper. It could not get its hands on a deck of Tarot cards, so those are faked as well. Hot dogs were apparently out of budget as well, so a picnic scene comprises characters pretending to eat hot dogs and then pretending the dishes are dirty.

The Ugly

The ugly aspects of the film stem from its low budget and strange production choices. Ouija Shark takes place in a public park and a house with a pool, and for some reason, the characters must walk through the shark infested park to get to the store. The lead actress seems more suited for a Monday afternoon shift at a strip club rather than carrying a film, and the ghost shark’s growling sound is both puzzling and laughable.

In Conclusion

In Conclusion: Ouija Shark is a cinematic experience to be quickly forgotten. Shark enthusiasts will be sorely disappointed by the lackluster ghost shark, and exploitation fans won’t find much to enjoy either. The film might have some appeal for those who revel in nonsensical stories and wooden acting, but otherwise, it’s best to steer clear of this poorly executed mess.

This needs to be an oil painting in grandma’s game room.
Like the movie poster, the opening credits have nothing to do with the movie.
There is Birdemic: Shock and Terror levels of conversational awkwardness during this scene between unnamed cannon fodder one and unnamed cannon fodder two.
Okay, fine, one more Amy Osbourne picture. I am really trying to reduce the number of cheesecake shots in my reviews.
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