Slayer (2006) Review

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Raining Blood

Slayer (2006): 5 out of 10: is set against the backdrop of the mysterious rainforest of South America, where legends of vampires roaming the jungle have long persisted. However, the creatures have escalated their attacks, targeting humans with newfound aggression and tactical prowess. Colonel Jessica Weaver (Lynda Carter of all people. Yes Wonder Woman herself) dispatches Captain Tom “Hawk” Hawkins (Casper Van Dien) and his platoon, including Sergeant Alex Juarez (Alexis Cruz), on a mission to confront these supposed tribal anomalies, despite skepticism from military higher-ups.

At the heart of the narrative is Laurie Williams (Jennifer O’Dell), an entomologist and Hawk’s ex-wife, who finds herself in the midst of the vampire-infested jungle during a research expedition. Alongside her guide Luiz, Laurie encounters local villagers who share tales of vampire attacks, further confirming the escalating threat.

Screenwriter joins the Vampires

Simultaneously, Hawk’s second-in-command, Grieves (Kevin Grevioux), is captured by the vampires and coerced into joining their ranks, leading to a deadly confrontation between him and Hawk’s team.

As Hawk and his platoon trek through the jungle, they encounter signs of vampire activity, including ambushes and attacks on innocent villagers. The tension mounts as they draw closer to Laurie’s location, navigating treacherous terrain and facing relentless assaults from the vampire horde.

The narrative converges when Hawk and his team finally locate Laurie, who has been taken captive by the vampires. In a climactic showdown, Hawk confronts the vampire leader, Javier Vasquez, a former conquistador turned immortal creature of the night. (Just like that Jungle Cruise movie).

Well Slayer is an original Syfy movie

Okay, a Syfy original film starring B-movie maven Casper Van Dien? How good can it be? Well, at least it’s no Raptor Island or Chupacabra Terror (Thank the good lord above).

Actually, for an original Syfy channel film, this isn’t half bad. Well, at least the first half isn’t.

Predator Style

The film starts Predator style with a team of marines in the Amazon battling vampires that aren’t affected by sunlight and rip old ladies in half. (Actually, the best scene in the movie.) Yes, I know they jump around like Circus de Soleil rejects and somehow the Russian twin acrobats from Octopussy got bit and wandered into South America.

Anyhow, the team gets back to the states and a wooden Linda Carter sends Van Dien back to the jungle with a new team (the last one didn’t do so well) to kill the vampires and rescue his ex-wife. (No one actually cares that the natives are being slaughtered, but one lost blond woman and the marines are called out).

The vampires are now led by Van Diem’s second in command (Kevin Grevioux at his gravelly voiced over-sized best) and are using military tactics. This is surprising since the fight scenes actually become less effective.

The movies continuity also takes a large hit in the second half as characters apparently are using a Star Trek transporter to get from one location to another (Prepare to be disoriented) The less said about the pathetic ending monster the better (except it reminded me of Raptor Island and Chupacabra Terror).

One last note to the screenwriter. If the bad guy is going to have a flowery speech about how encroaching civilization is causing the vampires to attack, perhaps it would be wise to show something (an idle bulldozer or maybe some condos going up on the river) at any point during the film to make the speech more relatable?

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