Hey kids, it’s a Faces of Death prequel
The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course: (2002): 5 out of 10: Okay first let’s forget the movie for a minute. I mean, the film is okay if you like the Crocodile Hunter and you have no business seeing it if you don’t. The DVD extras however are brilliant.
For example they show, over years planned, you, Steve Irwin and his misses Terri training their star crocodiles to attack a boat without eating the cast. Needless to say, the training doesn’t really work.
So we have wonderful footage of a barely mobile Steve complete with a knee bandage almost being chomped by a couple of oversized crocs that are some naughty sheilas indeed. Now all lot of this footage makes the movie proper gussied up for whatever plot point is at hand. But it is the raw footage that shows how no CGI or mechanical crocs were used. It also covers the endless training to get the crocs used to the sets and cameras.
The crocs successfully, after a while, do ignore the cameras and lights but never their chief tormentor, Steve. The crocs act all calm, then as soon as they shout action they go for Steve’s jugular like they were starring in a Faces of Death video. The amount of work involved for such a relatively lightweight film is rather awe-inspiring.
The film itself is rather simple. Steve and his wife find various Australian wildlife, each more deadly than the last. Wildlife tries to kill Steve. Steve yells crikey. There is also an easily ignorable plot about the CIA or something that makes Kangaroo Jack look like a Charlie Kaufman film.
And a warning to impressionable baby boomers, there is a desecration of Elton John’s Crocodile Rock by the Baha Men. The DVD even includes a horrible video of same in case you capture some terrorists and need them to talk quick.
One last note. For no discernible reason, the aspect ratio changes when Steve is on screen and when Steve is off screen. So if you’re like me and A: You weren’t paying enough attention before the film. B: You have a wide screen television. C: Your remote is an all in one affair that could land a Space Shuttle and has become a sentient being. Well, needless to say according to witnesses my attempts to “correct” this were pretty funny to watch.
[…] The Ugly: Look, if you don’t want to spend the coin getting the Don McLean rendition of Vincent, you should be able to find a better cover than the one that Lianne La Havas warbles at the end of this film. It isn’t quite the Baha Men’s version of Crocodile Rock from Crocodile Hunter Collision … […]