The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course (2002) Review

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Hey kids, it’s a Faces of Death prequel

The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course: (2002): 5 out of 10: Okay first let’s forget the movie for a minute. I mean, the film is okay if you like the Crocodile Hunter and you have no business seeing it if you don’t. The DVD extras however are brilliant.

This has this did not go as planned written all over it.

For example they show, over years planned, you, Steve Irwin and his misses Terri training their star crocodiles to attack a boat without eating the cast. Needless to say, the training doesn’t really work. 

So we have wonderful footage of a barely mobile Steve complete with a knee bandage almost being chomped by a couple of oversized crocs that are some naughty sheilas indeed. Now all lot of this footage makes the movie proper gussied up for whatever plot point is at hand. But it is the raw footage that shows how no CGI or mechanical crocs were used. It also covers the endless training to get the crocs used to the sets and cameras. 

One thing both the movie and the behind-the-scenes footage show is how much Terri Irwin is right there.

The crocs successfully, after a while, do ignore the cameras and lights but never their chief tormentor, Steve. The crocs act all calm, then as soon as they shout action they go for Steve’s jugular like they were starring in a Faces of Death video. The amount of work involved for such a relatively lightweight film is rather awe-inspiring.

The plot is escaping.

The film itself is rather simple. Steve and his wife find various Australian wildlife, each more deadly than the last. Wildlife tries to kill Steve. Steve yells crikey. There is also an easily ignorable plot about the CIA or something that makes Kangaroo Jack look like a Charlie Kaufman film.

A children’s film about The Crocodile Hunter? Yes a C.I.A subplot is necessary.

And a warning to impressionable baby boomers, there is a desecration of Elton John’s Crocodile Rock by the Baha Men. The DVD even includes a horrible video of same in case you capture some terrorists and need them to talk quick. 

HAHAHAHA… There is so much I love about this from the C.I.A. file of Steve in the background to the head C.I.A. guy dressed like he is taking drink orders.

One last note. For no discernible reason, the aspect ratio changes when Steve is on screen and when Steve is off screen. So if you’re like me and A: You weren’t paying enough attention before the film. B: You have a wide screen television. C: Your remote is an all in one affair that could land a Space Shuttle and has become a sentient being. Well, needless to say according to witnesses my attempts to “correct” this were pretty funny to watch.

No, that is not Large Marge from Pee-wees Big Adventure.
Terri has the gator by the tail.
You are never too exhausted to cop a feel from the wife.
Are there any Australian snakes that don’t kill within minutes?
Magda Szubanski provides solid comic relief as the outback redneck.
Um, there is a dinosaur in the water.
Sure it is deadly but look Steve is going to cast a spell on the spider.
It’s a kid’s film, I doubt the dogs will eat her on-screen.
Kate Beahan (an Australian actress) obviously signed up for The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course out of a sense of patriotism. Only to be stuck playing an American C.I.A. agent.
I love this wedding photo in the background, obviously made for the movie.
Um Steve shouldn’t you have the pointy bitey end.
Kudos to the film for using waterproof cell phones after dumping Kate Beahan in water while wearing a white shirt. Something for the dads, perhaps?
This reminds me that I should watch The Blues Brothers again as well as I have to renew my Photoshop license.
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[…] The Ugly: Look, if you don’t want to spend the coin getting the Don McLean rendition of Vincent, you should be able to find a better cover than the one that Lianne La Havas warbles at the end of this film. It isn’t quite the Baha Men’s version of Crocodile Rock from Crocodile Hunter Collision … […]