Werewolf (1996): 2 out of 10: Wow, this is a perfect mess. First off, it “stars” Joe Estevez. Yes, Martin Sheen’s brother. Star of some of the worst films ever made. (A shocking 191 films according to his IMDb page with a discouraging 13 still waiting to be released.) Maybe one reason he can star in so many movies is that he only works for a few days at a time. In Werewolf, he disappeared without explanation a third of the way through the film and was barely in the movie to begin with. However, I guess when your cast comprises non-English speaking Eurotrash, Estevez seems like a draw.
Speaking of the rest of the cast, we have Jorge Rivero whose hair changes in every scene and is the most interesting character in the film (The hair mind you, not Jorge). Richard Lynch, who plays the male lead with all the charisma of soggy toast. Adrianna Miles who I thought, were two different actresses. (One character lives in the house with the gun-toting Santa Claus where she types in panties. The other character has never been to the house and lusts after Lynch.) It turns out that the script was more confused than I, and it is the same girl.
Adrianna Miles is unquestionably attractive and has those nice deer in headlight eyes, but her grasp of the English language is tenuous. She cannot wrap her lips around the word werewolf. (It comes out wahr-wil, wahrwilf, wearwaollf, etc.) Which usually would not be a problem for a talented actress but this film is called Werewolf and requires her to speak this lycanthropic tongue twister multiple times to ever more hilarious effect.
Speaking of confusing, the “werewolf” appears as a giant bear, a broken bat puppet, an elderly version of Teen Wolf (driving a compact car no less), and something else entirely from the depths of cinematic hell. At no time does it look like an actual werewolf. I could go on for hours (The moon stays full through the entire picture. That racist Santa Claus I mentioned above who runs the bed and breakfast. I think it is time to let Mike and the Bots take over.
Mystery Science Theater
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 10 episode 4: 10 out of 10: This is my favorite MST3K episode out of the 200 or so that I have watched. One of the best riffing jobs Mike and the bots have ever accomplished (Wow. The future conditional pluperfect subjunctive). The host segments with the singing of that 60s girl group favorite “Where, Oh Werewolf.” They sing the end credits to a bizarre version of Fleetwood Mac’s Tusk. I could go on and on. True, the awful nature of the movie gives these James Lipton fanboys a big lift (Werewolf is not The Starfighters). But the entire team runs with it firing on all cylinders. If you ever want to introduce MST3K to a potential new fan, this is an excellent film to start with.