The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It (2012) by Kelly McGonigal Review

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”

The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It (2012) by Kelly McGonigal: 9 out of 10: “The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It” by Kelly McGonigal challenges the conventional perception of stress as a harmful force. Instead, McGonigal argues that stress can be beneficial if approached with the right mindset.

Introduction

Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, introduces the core idea that stress, often considered detrimental to health and well-being, can actually be harnessed for positive outcomes. She recounts her journey of shifting from viewing stress solely as a negative force to recognizing its potential benefits.

Part 1: Rethinking Stress

Chapter 1: How to Change Your Mind About Stress

McGonigal presents research showing that people who view stress as harmful are more likely to suffer adverse effects. She introduces the concept of “stress mindset,” emphasizing that our beliefs about stress significantly affect our stress responses and overall health.

Chapter 2: Beyond Fight-or-Flight

This chapter explores different physiological responses to stress, such as the “challenge response” and the “tend-and-befriend” response. McGonigal explains how these responses can enhance performance, strengthen relationships, and improve resilience.

Part 2: The Biology of Courage

Chapter 3: From Threat to Challenge

McGonigal discusses how perceiving stress as a challenge rather than a threat can change the body’s physiological reaction, making stress beneficial. She explains the role of hormones like DHEA and cortisol in promoting growth and resilience under stress.

Chapter 4: How Anxiety Helps You Rise to the Challenge

Here, McGonigal delves into how anxiety, a common stress response, can enhance focus, motivation, and performance when interpreted correctly. She offers practical strategies for transforming anxiety into a tool for success.

Part 3: How to Get Good at Stress

Chapter 5: The Biology of Connection

McGonigal highlights the importance of social connections in managing stress. She describes how stress can enhance empathy, compassion, and cooperation, thereby fostering stronger social bonds.

Chapter 6: Grow Stronger

This chapter focuses on “post-traumatic growth,” the concept that individuals can emerge from stressful experiences stronger and more resilient. McGonigal shares stories and research on how adversity can lead to personal development and a greater sense of purpose.

Chapter 7: How to Transform Stress into Courage and Connection

McGonigal provides practical advice for cultivating a positive stress mindset. She offers exercises and techniques for reframing stressful situations, building resilience, and leveraging stress for personal growth and social connection.

Conclusion

In the conclusion, McGonigal reiterates that stress is an inevitable part of life but can be harnessed for positive outcomes with the right mindset. She encourages readers to embrace stress as an opportunity for growth, connection, and courage.

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Key Takeaways

• Stress Mindset: Changing how we perceive stress can alter its impact on our health and well-being.
• Challenge Response: Viewing stress as a challenge can lead to improved performance and resilience.
• Social Connections: Stress can enhance social bonds and cooperation.
• Post-Traumatic Growth: Adversity can foster personal development and a greater sense of purpose.
• Practical Techniques: McGonigal offers actionable strategies for transforming stress into a positive force.

Overall, McGonigal’s book encourages readers to rethink their relationship with stress and provides tools to harness its potential benefits.

The Good

The Good: Two things first. The Upside of Stress is not about stress. Not really. It is about mindfulness. Second, while it has plenty of science, it is at its heart a self-help book, complete with worksheets and tasks for you to do.

Once I realised the book was not about stress. And I stopped worrying about what stress actually was. (I am still unclear on the concept. Like porn, I know it when I see it, but a proper wrap my head around definition still eludes me.) I embraced the book.

It has been a long time since a self-help book caused me to take positive action and changed my worldview. The Upside of Stress did both those things in spades.

In my conclusion below, I write “I am a better, happier person for reading the book.” And that is what is so good about “The Upside of Stress”. I am not just happy I read the book, I feel a better member of society after having done so. Maybe better is not the right word. A more useful, helpful member of society.

The Bad

The Bad: You know “The Upside of Stress” lost me for a while. Around chapter 3, I had completely lost the plot. I still do not know what “stress” actually is. The Upside of Stress is more about mindsets than stress management. Which is fine but honestly fine but confusing when the book has the word stress in the title.

Part of the issue is that I was listening to the audiobook. I have subsequently picked up the Kindle version, and it is a better fit for the material. There are a lot of charts, lists, and workshop type activities that are not mentioned or simply do not work in the audiobook version.

The Ugly

The Ugly: Related a little bit to being on an audiobook. The chapters are simply too long. Well, too long is not descriptive enough. The chapters cover too much ground. Kelly McGonigal introduces three or more concepts per chapter. Each concept comes with multiple anecdotes, and they all do not necessarily relate to each other.

As a result, by the time the third concept in a chapter comes around, I am having a hard time remembering where this chapter started. Having separate chapters for each concept (or point) would have made for an easier read (or listen).

In Conclusion

In Conclusion: I didn’t need “The Upside of Stress” at this point in my life. And yet it has changed me. It has prompted me to take actions and to reach out to loved ones. It has also helped both reinforce core beliefs I already had (do not watch 24 hour news channels as an example) and introduce new concepts such as mindfulness into my daily routine.

I am a better, happier person for reading the book. No better praise I can think of for a self-help book.

Random Notes from reading

I argue that most self-help books could be an email. Or in this case, a title. In the intro, Kelly argues that stress itself does not kill us, thinking that stress is bad for you is what kills you. So the health gurus telling patients that stress is bad and they should avoid it are the actual serial killers here.

This is a fun takeaway. And it fits the idea if you think the medicine will work. It is more likely to work that while on one level; it makes no sense and insults or purely logical Spock minds. On the other hand, study after study replicates those exact results.

So it should be less of a surprise that those who think stress can kill you are killed by stress. So I guess the rest of the book will be antidotes for the same and a breakdown of studies. Sounds like possible fun.

One issue Kelly McGonigal mentions is that there are so many kinds of stress it is basically a useless word. Right now I am stressed because I cannot pick a game to play next on my Microsoft Game pass. This may differ from the stress of a spouse dying suddenly. Either way, long chapters await.

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So, for a book about stress, there is a lot in the first chapter about mindfulness training. Not that this is a bad thing. Mindfulness and Mindset training is a fascinating science nestled between the true hard sciences and the wishy washy bullshit of The Wish or The Gift or whatever.

The studies are fascinating that by telling people different facts (or mindsets) you can physically change how thier body reacts to the same stimuli. If you tell someone that a milkshake is fattening, they will produce the hormone that makes them feel full. If you tell them it is diet, they will not produce the same hormone. This is the case even if the milkshake itself is exactly the same.

I wonder how the Stoic practice of thinking everything is going to go to hell in a handbasket fits into this. I have never been a fan of negative visualization in Stoicism. I understand the root of the practice and the benefits, but there is a bit of what you put out into the universe hocus pocus as part of my DNA and these mindset studies feed right into that hopium.

Still no real good example of what stress is or whether we should try to live a stress-free life. Good advice on facing the issue, causing you stress head on and in a timely manner. I would normally say that I do not have a lot of stress in my life but my noughts of binge eating and insomnia beg to differ. I know the things that are causing me stress right now and there are the things I refuse to address head on.

Long chapter which I will finish up tomorrow.

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End of the first chapter and I am kind of wishing I had a hardcover version of this book or at least a Kindle version so I could go back over some things she is talking about regarding mindsets. In addition, is looks like we have some workbook style stuff coming up and I am not sure how that is going to work on an audiobook. The whole situation is stressing me out.

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Well 45 minutes into the second (or third chapter Its been 95 degrees out. I have been a little short on my walking days for the audiobook) and I am losing the plot a bit. We find out about the originators of the theories of stress came to the conclusion by testing on animals and how the bluntly horrific experiments on animals are not necessarily related to human experiences.

We also find out that the lack of neglect of children makes them uncurious, retards their brain development and makes them unable to handle stress in a positive manner. There is some sense to this. Kind of a play on the germ theory where kids are much more susceptible to allergies if they are not exposed to filth in their youth. Now I am being told kids need to be abandoned by thier mothers every once in a while. Toughens them up it seems.

There is a lot of this you thought this but you were wrong in this book and it can be a bit much (Stressful perhaps). The reason is if stress is so great, why is feeling stressful not so much? There also does not seem to be a great definition of stress. I mean, there is a science one but not a good layman one where we can recognize the types of stress we are experiencing. Perhaps in a later chapter?

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The Upside of Stress is losing me quickly. People who have more meaningful lives handle stress better than those that do not? What the hell does that even mean? Is it self reported? What makes a life meaningful or not meaningful? How would one measure such things? Do I need to play the Galaxy Song from The Meaning of Life for the author?

It would be like saying people who are happier handle stress better. Okay, I buy that, but this is neither a revelation nor helpful.

Even though I am in the third chapter, I am unclear what stress even is still. How does stress relate to how I am feeling? Does it matter if I feel energized or I feel depressed or I am sleepy? Am I still stressed? Is it good, meaningful, happy stress?

I often argue that any self-help book could be an email. The Upside of Stress keeps hitting the stress is not bad for you button. When we talking about some science studies in the first chapter, I was interested and fascinated. Now we are in a collection of more grey areas and we are beating the drum still as loudly I am noting the drum has only one note.

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Okay, so I picked up the kindle version of this book (It was on sale for $1.99) and I am recommending that version. Two issues with the audio version are that there are clearly worksheets etc included in the book that do not make the audio version. The other issue is that the chapters are too long. They all seem to be about an hour and cover multiple topics, alas, somewhat related. By the time one gets to the third topic in the chapter, one forgets the superb point made earlier in the chapter, or perhaps even the subject.

Speaking of brilliant points, “The Upside of Stress” is back in my good graces. I clearly am more interested in a book about mindfulness than a book about generic stress. Her exercise of choosing three values in your life and spending 10 minutes journalling about the value that is important to you is gold Jerry Gold.

The focus on if you have a reason to do the things you are doing, it gives the stress (and let’s be honest here, drudgery) meaning. This is not a surprising result, but a necessary intervention occasionally. Reflecting on why you are doing things and having an end goal (or even a value you are fulfilling) reduces stress.

Kelly McGonigal tells a story about working late in the lab and a humble janitor who undoubtedly was either a magic negro or Will Hunting who popped his head in a and said “another cold dark night on the side of Everest” and popped back out of existence. The point made by this possibly fictional character is excellent. You would not quit in the middle of climbing Everest because you were cold and miserable. That goes with the journey and you would trudge on. So finishing that novel, completing that work task or raising that kid is your own personal Everest and let’s be blunt. There will be some cold and miserable nights.

Kelly McGonigal also tells another story about a student who dies over winter break in an act of self-immolation. She thinks there might have been other issues at play besides the incomplete he got in her class. (Ya think?) She wonders what she could have done differently and how this haunted her. It is an interesting story, but honestly, it goes nowhere and seemingly contradicts much of the wisdom that came before it. Like I said, the chapters are long and lack a focus that would help.

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Okay today’s chapter (Which comprises the end of one chapter and about forty percent of another because again this audiobook does not seem to have natural breaks depending on the specific subject or point being made but has really overlong chapters that are all over the place sometimes.

Anyway, back to my point. Today’s topic is turning stress and anxiety into excitement. If you try to get more excited when you feel stressed, you will perform better than if you calm down. Another mindset shift that I am 80 percent on board with.

First my caution. I can sometimes be too much. I don’t have another way to explain that. Sometimes I get excited and I lose perspective, and I fail spectacularly. I recall a business email I wrote criticizing the CEO for taking more time than the President’s State of the Union speech in his remarks. This was an unwise choice, poorly written to boot, as if I was undergoing a manic episode.

This also was not some youthful indiscretion. I was in my mid-fifties when I (Insert excrement oriented colloquialism here). So I can assure you I am intimately familiar with excited Julian and I have some concerns.

That caution aside, I think the advice is sound. She has some science stuff with cortisone levels in saliva, but the bottom line is if you embrace your fear/ anxiety/ stress and lean into it, you will do better than if you use calming techniques and avoidance.

As the Stoics say, do the hard thing first. Well, I am off to try the exercise of choosing three values in your life and spending 10 minutes journalling about the value that is important to you from the last chapter. I will report back if I gain the ability to levitate or something.

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The Upside of Stress seems as much if not more about mind set adjustments than it is about stress itself, which still seems a nebulous somewhat undefined subject. Kind of like porn to the supreme court. I know it when I see it.

The main mindset adjustment is thanking stress for the energy it is giving you to complete your task. My rapid heartbeat is providing extra blood to my brain… that kind of thing. The butterflies in my stomach are simply a reminder that this is important to me. The basic advice is to lean into stress. Take stress as a resource, providing that extra oomph to get one across the finish line.

Kelly McGonigal also talks about one of her associates who ran a group for the Community Services Agency in Modesto, California. Basically, woman on public assistance getting help on interview skills and filling out resumes.

The class for underprivileged woman uses an outdated and somewhat insane stress tool. It is a life events checklist with points for events that happened in the last year, from losing a loved one (87 points), to moving (40 points), to spending holidays with family (12 points). You would add up the points and your score would tell you how likely you are to get sick or die in the next year.

I am not sure telling poor people with few resources that they live a stressful life and will die soon as a result is helpful. I found a smile listening to this because psychology, therapy and the social sciences are chock full of these kind of resources that have always been around and are taught to every new generation of therapists and counselors but in reality have no basis on scientific fact and quite often (such as this example) don’t even make any logical sense.

Kelly McGonigal also describes a fun experiment where she and her colleagues get to torture people with social anxiety. Basically, participants were asked to give a presentation to two individuals in a business setting. The individuals observing the presentation were instructed to act like John Cleese in the Monty Python Argument Clinic sketch.

No matter how well the participants performed, the actors listening to the presentation yawned, rolled thier eyes, sighed loudly and sometimes asked the participants if they were done yet mid sentence. Kelly joyfully describes the mental breakdowns of the participants. One lady went into crying dry heaves within thirty seconds. Fun stuff.

Bottom line though the people with social anxiety who had a mindset intervention before the task performed much better than the control groups (One received negative feedback about stress, the other got to play video games before the task.) Both control groups performed poorly.

The fact that the anxiety group with the mindset intervention performed so well actually opened up a different can of worms. Is social anxiety a real disease? It is basically self reported. Those with social anxiety did not perform any differently that those without that diagnostic label. This is not the result one would expect if social anxiety was real.

So the bottom line is turning a threat into a challenge. The fight-or-flight response. Whatever the sensations of stress are, worry less about trying to make them go away, and focus more on what you are going to do with the energy, strength and drive that stress gives you. Your body is providing you access all your resources to help you rise to the challenge.

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The stress book is fascinating this time around. It reminded me of my shame in how I often dealt with the stress of caring for and watching a loved one wither away to nothing from cancer and the guilt I have of not doing more. But it is a reminder of the many times I did just hold her hand and be there for her. I never ran away. I went into another room or another world (Sims 4 as an example) for a time. But I never left till the end. And I took her to every appointment, and we often went for a slow walk in nature afterwards (Our Dates.)

I will always have the feeling I needed one more day and could have done more. I need to forgive myself, as I know she would have forgiven me. She loved me and was a wonderful person.

There was also on the same walk the need to make your tasks part of a bigger goal than yourself. With my writing and my upcoming book that I never seem to write. What is my bigger goal? What goal besides “look at me” do I have? What am I trying to say or contribute to the world? I need to find one or the words themselves may never flow. Both these thoughts and topics really hit home much more than the rest of the book.

I feel seen and I understand it is about a lot more than stress. In some ways, “The Upside of Stress” is not about stress at all. And the book is better for that. I will be revisiting these passages long after this review is posted.

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So finished a chapter, and it was about volunteering and sharing and helping others. Some nice science showing that if you help others while you are suffering, it helps ease your suffering and leads to better outcomes. Makes sense and fits my own experiance.

When I became sober twenty years ago, I remember soon after spending a week helping people whose lives were upended by Hurricane Charlie. I remember how good it felt to get out of my life and my problems and to help others.

The walk and listen inspired me to write a nice thank-you letter to mom for her birthday. Something I am a few years behind on. It really is making me think how much I isolate myself of late because of circumstances (One car and Maggie’s work schedule) and how the isolation is not helpful to me.

On the other hand, I recently rescued a disabled kitten, saving it from a poor fate. And I am spending time and money getting Puma up to snuff and showing the kitten love. So I am not a complete monster. 🙂

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We are nearing the end of The Upside of Stress and A: I have to pick my next book. And B another post for the fire… Today’s walk was primarily about Post Traumatic Growth.

The takeaway (unsurprisingly for this book) is some stress and trauma is good for you. Studies show those that have lived a life without such events or challenges do not fare as well.

Whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. 82 percent of people draw on strength from past traumatic experiences. So you are not special. But you knew that.

My personal experience certainly reflects these findings. I definitely had a shift after my wife’s illness and death. I had a rough patch to be sure, but found my footing. embraced helping others and Stoicism and moved forward with my life, not embracing self-destructive behaviors to bury the pain or to punish myself for guilt and surviving.

If there is one thing that is embraced in this chapter that is a weak point for myself. It is the emphasis on reaching out and asking for help. I am terrible at that in reality and often reject help when offered out of self sufficiency and maybe awkwardness or embarrassment. I need to be brave and get over myself regarding this.

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There is a thrill when you are reading a self-help book and it clicks with you and changes your… wait for it… mindset. And “The Upside of Stress” is a self-help book wrapped in a science wrapper. It is barely about stress to begin with.

So anyway, where was I? Oh yes, there is also a thrill when you are reading a self-help book and two of the suggestions are things that you have believed for a long time and have preached to others. Confirmation that I am a smart, good and wise person coming up.

The first is how you describe your childhood. I have always been of the belief you could describe your childhood in glowing or positive terms or in horrifying or dramatic terms, no matter what kind of childhood you had. Every childhood has plenty of material for both. More importantly, if you ask someone what their childhood was like and sit back and listen, they will reveal so much about what kind of person they are. The details are not important. It is the tone and focus. Are they making themselves a victim or stating that they had a good childhood and learned a lot?

It is amazing what you can learn about an adult, even a complete stranger from which they choose.

The second evidence of my genius that admittedly is not all me (Of all people Dilbert creator Scott Adams is the first person I heard describe this phenomenon.) Avoid news, particularly national and international news. Do not watch talk shows or any 24 hour news channels.

Kelly McGonigal points out the incredible fact that a study showed people who watched the cable news coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing for over six hours suffered greater PTSD symptoms than people who were actually at the bombing itself.

I find this study both unbelievable and yet I can see it. People who avoid news (and I think we might find social media as well) are happier, richer, better looking, less stressed and better people. Leave CNN and Fox News to the Morlocks.

Outside of these two things, Kelly McGonigal talks more about mindset shifts and post-traumatic growth and tells some anecdotes. She expresses she understands we may not remember the stories she tells, but she hopes we internalize the lessons. She also describes a substitution for New Year’s resolutions that honestly sounded horrible, but they can’t all be winners.

Overall, a brilliant book that has effected (affected? I get the two mixed up and now I am stressed) my mindset. I am glad I listened to the audiobook and I am planning to read some again on the Kindle. Plus, I know a young lady who has a birthday coming up and I am planning to send her this book. I hope she likes it. I worry it is a bit like sending someone Scope through the mail. (Old George Carlin bit for you youngsters out there.)