Shai-Hulud
Blood Beach (1980): 5 out of 10: is a horror film about a mysterious creature lurking beneath the sands of Santa Monica beach, devouring unsuspecting victims. Local cops try to solve the mystery while various non-bathing beauties disappear.
So Blood Beach scores with a great high concept, some excellent actors, and the fact I really liked this movie when I was thirteen. Unfortunately, then I went and ruined those glorious memories by watching the actual film again.
The Good
The Good: John Saxon and Burt Young? Giddy-up. John Saxon plays a no nonsense police captain. I mean, does one have to say anything else? Burt Young plays a guy tired of political correctness and wants to do everything “The Chicago Way” like he was Jim Malone from The Untouchables.
There are some fun bits in Blood Beach. You know a crazy homeless person with all their possessions in a shopping cart has been a trope a lot longer than I realised.
The idea for Blood Beach is actually kind of brilliant. As one character says, it is finally safe to go back into the water and you cannot get to it. One issue with Jaws, of course, is it ridiculously easy to avoid a shark attack. Stay on land.
The Bad
The Bad: Blood Beach fights its audience. We are here for monster under the beach action and the whole second act seems to be a lot of terrible music and dinners by candlelight.
There is a weird duet in a bar a bout two-thirds through the film that has some of the worst singing I have ever heard in a film that was not a comedy. It makes California Lady from Track of the Moon Beast sound like Eye of the Tiger from Rocky II.
John Saxon and Burt Young are great in this film, as is fellow detective Otis Young. Hell, former Xanadu dancer Lena Pousette manages to at least hold my attention to the screen.
But good lord are our leads David Huffman and Marianna Hill dull as dishwater. I don’t care if they rekindle their romance as she searches for her missing mother or he figures out how a beach cop landed sexy stewardess Lena Pousette whom he is two-timing and who he just assumes stands him up when she disappears in the middle of an active monster movie.
Neither of our leads seem to have any chemistry with each other. To make matters worse they have even less chemistry with the screen.
You would figure slow motion walks on the beach would at least be livened up by a monster living under the sand. You would have figured wrong.
The Ugly
The Ugly: I have only seen this movie in standard definition. Even this so called “Uncut” version with a couple of blurry inserts like that uncut version of My Bloody Valentine. This could use a good HD transfer, like Day of the Animals and Grizzly received a few years ago.
For a film that takes place at the titular beach, it is awfully dark, like I was watching “It’s Alive” all over again.
Blood Beach really reminds me of the shooting style of the “It’s Alive” movies; particularly “It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive.” Thier is even an out left field under the pier rape scene in both of them. And yes, both scenes take place in pitch darkness.
There is a lot of darkness, throughout Blood Beach. Even during the opening credits, it is hard to see anything. Add in a weird out of place soft focus, the soft seventies music and a very pedestrian TV style of direction and you have a watch checking experience.
In Conclusion
In Conclusion: I may one day catch a remastered version of the film and up my score like I did with Day of the Animals. But I doubt it. Blood Beach reminded me of all things the lesbian relationship drama Claire of the Moon. This is not a compliment.
I should have loved Blood Beach. It is right up my alley. I am actually shocked how hard the film seemed to work to avoid entertaining me.