Terror at Tenkiller (1986) Review

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And the scene dies of neglect.

Terror at Tenkiller (1986): 1 out of 10: A woman on the run from her controlling boyfriend hides out in a cabin with a friend. But local girls are disappearing and they could be next.

Diet Slice and a good book. The excitement never ends at Terror at Tenkiller.

The Good

The Good: Well, it made for a surprisingly well done RiffTrax track. Also, it gave an acting start to Michael Shamus Wiles who went on to become a solid working actor (He, like everyone else, is awful in this film.) 

I mean, you are the only guy in the movie so, hey.

The Bad

The Bad: Good lord, where to start. Do you like to watch woman talk on the phone? Do like endless discussions about nothing? How about panning shots of an unremarkable lake? Scenes that go on at least a minute after they were supposed to?

Stacy Logan on the phone. (Get used to it)

There is no mystery to who the killer is. The killer is one of the five characters in the movie. He has no motivation, no one-liners, no hockey mask or hook arm. Just a manspreading bro with a few screws loose. There is also no terror, suspense, or horror to be found. Well, except for the realization that there are forty minutes to go and the characters are taking yet another nap. 

Nothing says serial killer like a jean jacket.

The Ugly

The Ugly: Why do we watch slasher films? Is it to see two women discuss their relationship problems in front of wood paneling? Or is it for the ye olde sex and violence. Well, I hope you’re a fan of the former. The only nudity is an accidental flash from lead Stacy Logan clearly caused by the full-screen transfer, and the violence is both bloodless and incompetent. 

Well, there is a shower scene and some bikini malfunctions. But the film is still a one out of ten. That should give you an idea how mind-boggling boring the rest of the movie is.

In Conclusion

In Conclusion: I thought The Final Terror was the nadir of eighties slasher films, but Terror at Tenkiller is in a whole other category. It is like one of those Seventies search for Bigfoot films where they spend seventy minutes in a swamp and never actually find Bigfoot.

RiffTrax Version

RiffTrax Review: 9 out of 10: Bad, slow films where nothing happens have stumped the boys before. (The Beast of Yucca Flats, Robot Monster, The Starfighters) but they really bring their A-game here. The riffing is on point and upbeat. They really seem to be enjoying themselves. They perform a miracle and make Terror at Tenkiller actually watchable.

Stacy Logan fast asleep. (Get used to it)
Ah, those famous vacation haunts Gore and Tenkiller Dam. (Yes, this is is a real sign)
Our killer isn’t just boring but he manspreads.
Dale Buckmaster is the other guy at Tenkiller Lake. Our serial killer is literally hunting woman when this is the only other man at the lake and all the women are hitting on our serial killer.

Alternate caption snarky quote… “Hmm I smell fish”
Stacy Logan has the ability to do a decent shower scene.
Nice towel technique.
Okay, backs turned but still.
Okay, now I am channelling my inner Joe Bob Briggs. Stacy Logan shows more from the back than most girls do from the front.
Now that is a bra with some serious construction.
Michele Merchant is a bit more half-hearted with her wardrobe malfunctions.
In some scenes Michele Merchant looks great in other scenes she looks like Stacy’s mom’s 40-year-old divorced friend who is along for the trip.
Stacey Logan and Michele Merchant are bored since there is no serial killer.
Hold on, is that the serial killer?
Yay it is our serial killer sitting there legs akimbo.
Either Debbie Killion or Jill Holmes about to be killed by the world’s most boring serial killer in the most boring way possible.
There are scenes where Stacey Logan looks like the star of 1943’s I Walked with a Zombie.
Hark…. who um goes there.
The many faces of Stacey Logan
The many faces of Stacey Logan
The many faces of Stacey Logan
The many faces of Michele Merchant
The many faces of Michele Merchant
Who is going to get to use the phone?
Stacy gets the phone.
Another thrilling phone scene. Terror at Tenkiller ladies and gentleman.
Time for a nap
This movie just wore me out.
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[…] is a lot of talk without anything going on. On the other hand, RiffTrax did rock that snooze fest Terror at Tenkiller, so I may underestimate […]

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