Before I Say Goodbye (2003) Review with RiffTrax

Walters & Arsdale

Before I Say Goodbye (2003): 4 out of 10: Nell MacDermott Cauliff (Sean Young) is a rising politician and the granddaughter of a prominent figure in local politics. She is married to architect Adam Cauliff (Christopher Shyer), who wants to be a lead architect in the new big project in town. Nell and Adam disagree over her running for her grandfather’s old congressional seat and her desire (and apparent inability) to start a family.

Tragedy strikes when Adam is killed in an explosion aboard his yacht during a business meeting with several colleagues. Devastated and riddled with guilt over their final argument, Nell questions the circumstances of his death. Initially ruled as an accident, the incident takes a darker turn as corruption rumors swirl and the police are involved.

Adding to the mystery, Nell consults a distractingly buxom psychic medium, who channels Adam’s spirit and reveals cryptic warnings about danger and deception. Nell pieces together the truth through the obvious clues provided.

As Nell digs deeper, she realizes that Adam’s death was no accident. (I mean, a boat just blew up a few minutes after leaving the dock. That is not usually an accident.) The revelation implicates individuals close to her, forcing Nell to confront her own beliefs, fears, and loyalties.

Meanwhile, Peter DeLuise, as the pudgy detective, splits his time flirting with the newly widowed Nell, flirting with his police partner, and investigating what is apparently the only crime in the town this year.

The Good

The Good: You know the story has the right pieces. You have some stakes (Boat explosions, Congressional races). You have an interesting protagonist on paper. (She believes the dead talk to her). She is in a stressful marriage with a man she loves but whom she lords over unconsciously with her money and power. And things actually happen in the movie. Boats explode, conspiracies unravel and the ending is truly batshit crazy.

Before I Say Goodbye is a good yarn with the bones for an exciting film.

The Bad

The Bad: Nell MacDermott Cauliff on paper is an interesting character. In hands of Sean Young, however… I would say Sean Young plays the role with one emotion, but I am unsure she manages even that. To say she is keeping her thoughts close to the vest is an understatement.

If Sean Young was going to pick an emotion, I would have gone with gullible. Somehow, our heroine is oblivious to most things. Her husband’s obvious affair with his assistant being one of the early red flags. To make matters worse, there is a scene where a woman comes up to her on the street and says, “Come with me. I have a message from your dead husband.” And she just goes off with the stranger. And when the stranger (The buxom psychic) knows things only her husband would know, Sean Young seems to buy it hook, line and sinker.

The side characters are even worse. Two standouts are the over the top serial killer, photo stalker guy (Scott Heindl) in a plot thread that is present throughout the whole movie and goes nowhere. It is as if he was parachuted in from The Crush.

Then there is the German supermodel daycare instructor (Ursula Karven) which simply has to be the strangest casting ever. At one point, our German supermodel daycare instructor finds 50k in cash that her husband hid in his woodworking shop and gives it to Sean Young to hold. Sean Young is a woman she literally just met the scene before and the only connection she has to is that both thier husbands were blown up on the same boat. She then spends the rest of the movie worrying how she will keep the house on her German supermodel daycare instructor salary.

Also, let’s talk about the only couple in the movie who are clearly having sex offscreen. (No one has sex on-screen in Before I Say Goodbye. Not even a kiss). I am, of course, referring to the two detectives, Peter DeLuise and Aaron Douglas. Now, if you are like me and find yourself occasionally falling asleep during Before I Say Goodbye, you could easily assume they were reporters in a town with no news. They come across as reporters and they appear to work in what looks like a newsroom. But no, they are detectives in a town with no crime. And they detective the hell out of this case.

I mean, confronting a widow at her husband’s funeral with a barrage of questions is what one might expect if she was seen stabbing him earlier, not for a possibly accidental boat explosion. They are the kind of detectives that will show up at your house at 9pm to tell you they found a waterlogged purse in the harbor and it seemed mysteriously not to show any sign of the explosion. Seems exciting guys, but The Equalizer is on and the commercial break is almost over.

The Ugly

The Ugly: Practice this phrase for a moment… “Even though my wife is a congresswoman who approves your funding, I do not want that in any way to influence your decision to hire me as your architect. I want my work to speak for itself.”

The husband does not want his wife to be a congresswoman because he wants to focus on his career, which at this point is as a somewhat unsuccessful architect. Um dude… How stupid again are you? This is one of those romance tropes (right up there with I don’t want my wife to help pay the bills) that rarely translates into real life.

I cannot think of a bigger boon to an unsuccessful architect than having your wife win a congressional seat. You will be turning down work. Now if he did this whole thing because the psychic with the large breasts hypnotized his little brain, that at least I understand.

Not to even mention he is currently running two torrid affairs. Nothing facilitates torrid affairs like having your wife on the other side of the country “in congress” for six to eight months a year. I mean, he had every possible reason to want her to run for Congress. I have a hard time believing someone is that dim.

In Conclusion

In Conclusion: You know Desiree Zurowski as Winifred (Adam’s secretary, mistress #1, and championship swimmer) is pretty cute and does a good job in her role. Before I Say Goodbye is not all bad. It is a great movie to fall asleep to. Just make sure when you wake up to watch the ending. It makes little sense but I give points for crazy. I am confident, however, that this is definitely a case where the book is better.

RiffTrax Version

RiffTrax Version: 10 out of 10 Mary Jo Pehl and Bridget Nelson are firing on all cylinders on this one. Now admittedly it would be difficult to find a movie more in thier wheelhouse than a Canadian Made for TV movie starring Sean Young based on a Mary Higgins Clark novel.

We have our quota of Sean Young jokes that mostly went over my head. (I was alive during the various Sean Young “scandals” but honestly I don’t recall most of them outside of the Catwoman story.) As well as some observations about clear budget restraints. (The only exploding boat you will see is on the DVD cover).

The girls, however, seem to have a playful, almost “Airplane!” style sense of when to segue into the absurd. There are so many delightful rabbit holes they love to explore. As it can often be with many of thier films, they seem to really be enjoying themselves and each other’s company and that joy is infectious. One of their most enjoyable riffs… despite the fairly pedestrian movie.