Twisted (2004) Review

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Show somebody you hate them. Give them this movie.

Twisted (2004) : 3 out of 10: Okay I have questions lots of them. 1. Is Morgan Freeman okay? Did he accidentally read the script, fall out of his chair laughing, and hurt himself? Samuel L Jackson is playing the Morgan Freeman role. Doing a spot-on imitation of Morgan Freeman that borders on parody. It’s like watching Christian Slater aping Jack Nicholson.

  1. Why does every man in the movie hit on Ashley Judd? She is sporting Hillary Swank’s haircut from Boy’s Don’t Cry, she is a San Francisco cop, and she beats up men with a little wooden dildo. She screams not that into you. Not to mention that Miss Judd is getting up there in years and as a screaming alcoholic has the sex appeal of a bag lady. (How did Ashley research this role anyway? Go to AA meetings? Hang out with her sister Wynonna?)
  2. Who the hell was the Korean lady across the street? I swore she had to be the killer I mean why else is she in the film? Why is this film rated R? Miss Judd keeps her shirt on, and the violence wouldn’t make a network censor blush. Also, why in movies are all coroners quick-witted woman? I swear the last male coroner I’ve seen on screen was Quincy.

Male coroners are as endangered as straight guys in San Francisco, which is vital since someone is killing all straight men in San Francisco all of whom have slept with Miss Judd’s character. She has been blacking out after drinking, and corpses are turning up.

Her creepy new partner (Andy Garcia who seems to be in a completely different movie) is following her around, and she is seeing a psychiatrist who is also acting creepy. Other suspects include the aftermentioned Korean lady in the window and various cast members from The Practice TV show.

When the killer is finally unveiled and gives his (or hers) big speech (instead of killing Judd and escaping needless to say) Well lets put it this way, when in 1979 Brenda Ann Spencer opened fire with her rifle on schoolchildren shooting 11 and killing two and then gave that famous musical trivia explanation for her actions “I don’t like Mondays. This livens up the day” This was a rational, relevant, sensible and sound explanation compared to the psychobabble claptrap that ends this film. The only thing that will be twisted is your patience.

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