New and Improved Dimension Tide. The Power of a Black Hole for your Laundry
Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (Gojira tai Megagirasu: Jî shômetsu sakusen) (2000): 4 out of 10: I know it is a popular pastime to bash “the American Godzilla” but in its defense I would like to give you exhibit A: Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (easier to type than pronounce.) Where do I begin?
Well, let’s start with the latest scheme by the Japanese to rid them of Godzilla once and for all. Shoot him with a black hole from outer space. Yup, that is practically mishap proof. Now I know that dumping OxiClean into Tokyo harbor killed the first Godzilla, and since then some fairly dubious scientific methods have been used to battle our green friend, but a satellite that shoots black holes has to win some sort of award. I love the scene when the scientist asks the military man, “After we destroy Godzilla, we destroy the satellite, right?” (You can practically see visions of Pearl Harbor 2 in the general’s head).
To make matters even worse, they already have a team battling Godzilla embarrassingly called G-Grasper (not to be confused with our satellite scheme “Project Dimension Tide” that sounds like a terrible futuristic laundry detergent.) The G-Graspers are led by the all too cute Misato Tanaka, who looks like Amélie joined the French Foreign Legion. G-Graspers fight Godzilla by shooting rocket-propelled grenades at his ankles while dressed as FedEx deliverymen. Surprisingly, this isn’t effective.
Now I can take miscast actors and silly story lines in a Godzilla film, but at least the special effects are good, right? Nope. Megaguirus is clearly on strings in one scene. The fights have a groan inducing wrestling moves. Building destruction is surprisingly light. There is way too much bad CGI. In addition, there are a lot of underwater scenes, which lets face it has never been a Godzilla strong suit.
This is not excusable for a new millennium Godzilla. On the plus side, there is some nice Mimic action with bugs killing young lovers. But when you feel like apologizing to Matthew Broderick, it’s a sign of a bad Godzilla movie.