San Franpsycho (2006) Review

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I left my talent in San Franpsycho

San Franpyscho (2006): 1 out of 10: So you want to make a serial killer movie. But your budget is non-existent, your camera equipment is elderly and your stars are Joe Estevez (Martin Sheen’s younger brother and a staple in really awful movies) and Todd Bridges from Different Strokes. There are probably ways to pull off at least a watchable film. The Quiroz brothers have no clue.

I have no screenshots, as Tubi isn’t the friendliest of capture sources. Honestly, you wouldn’t want to see forty screenshots of Joe Estevez under fluorescent lights, anyway.

First, much of the cast seems to have been chosen in a desperate attempt to make Bridges and Estevez look like Oscar caliber thespians. Really, how hard is it to play a priest or an overbearing mother? Certainly a city the size of San Francisco has a few professional actors willing to work for a few bucks and a screen credit. Clearly Chris Angelo and Bonnie Steiger, who play these roles, have other talents such as landscaper or waitress they ought to be fine tuning.

Jose Rosete as the killer (yes the serial killer is simply known as “The Killer”) is also pretty awful in a mentally ill method kind of way but I am almost willing to give him the benefit of the doubt as his character is written with zero style or personality. A boring, almost laughable serial killer is a problem for a serial killer movie.

In addition, the Quiroz brothers seem to have originally planned this as an ABC Movie of the Week. There is no nudity or violence to speak of and the R rating clearly is for the adult style pacing. This move meanders like an 85-year-old woman driving with wraparound sunglasses and her turn signal on. The only occasional horror comes from lighting Estevez’s face with a glare that makes it look like his lower jaw was removed.

I wasn’t expecting a brilliant film when I rented San Franpyscho, but I wasn’t expecting mind numbing boredom either.

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